This is an old post but, for the sake of having something “new” for you to read, here it is. Enjoy…
In the fleeting moments between finishing the movie Ronin and giving in to the urge for a little shut-eye, I was switching through the channels and came upon EWTN, the “Eternal World Television Network.” I’m not sure what the name of the program was that I caught, but Penn & Teller could easily devote an episode of their HBO special Bullshit to debunking the ridiculous so-called truth coming out of the mouths of the men on the show.
This particular show took place in some guy’s wood shop, filled with creepy carvings of Jesus and the Virgin Mary. The host fed his guest questions about Harry Potter. He then went into grave detail about the slippery slope that children may get caught in: first Harry Potter, then heavy metal music, then -get this- Satanic Grave Desecration. It’s such an obvious transition, like marker sniffing straight to black tar heroin. The supposed expert that was discussing J.K. Rowling’s series says he speaks from experience. Back in the sixties he was involved in the occult, but partially justifies it with the qualifier “mostly white magic.” Translation: he dropped some acid and communed with nature for a bit. Personally I’m glad he found Jesus: Catholics smell way better than hippies.
I’m not going to stick up for the neo-paganism movement because, speaking from experience, I think it’s an activity for lost & lonely teenagers and adults who need an excuse to continue being degenerate social leeches and keep smoking dope. However it torments me to no end when Catholics, Baptists, or any religious group decides that it’s easier to crush the competition rather than get converts solely by merit of their good ideas. Like forcing men into life-long celibacy and thus child molestation; or traumatizing a twelve year old girl by refusing her a holy sacrament because she’ll die if she eats their wheat-based wafers. The Pope ought to get his PR people on these issues before his ten year death rattle finally comes to an end.
Obviously I’m not worried about offending any Catholics by writing this. My guess is nothing I write could persuade them, no matter how gently I convey my ideas. So my only obvious option is to fuck with them and anyone else who buys into this “everything that is non-Christian is anti-Christian” bullshit. I’m non-Christian, but I’m only anti-Christian when we’re talking about pricks like these. They really piss me off.
Just so you realize I’ve got opinions that back up the previously expressed curse words and sacrilege, and so my mother who will inevitably read this doesn’t think I’m going to carve my arm up or something, I’d like to explain myself. Below are a few reasons why I personally think Harry Potter, heavy metal, and a little paganism are a part of a balanced breakfast.
Harry Potter is just one of many Scapegoats for poor parenting.
The only ideas on this show that I agreed with were related to good, active parenting. Unfortunately rather than address the fact that modern American parents are about as effective as blocking Mike Tyson’s fist with your face, the supposed experts always seem to find a boogieman on which they can place the blame for the immorality so prevalent in our society (that’s a point I’ll never argue). Maybe instead of living the middle-class American dream by having both parents work so they can afford to buy little Johnny more shit, one could stay at home and actually raise him instead of letting Johnny raise himself. There’s a thought. One more helpful tip: teach your kids how to roll cookie dough instead of doobies, you irresponsible fuck.
One thing I’ve learned since I stopped taking part in the organized religion charade is that, if people don’t think they’re accountable to God, you sure as hell can’t expect them to feel accountable to themselves. It takes a strong person to hold themselves to any code of ethics when there is no one enforcing it. This brings me full circle to the parenting point again. If you’re not going to raise your child to believe in God, that’s fine. But make sure they know they’ve got to answer to you when they stomp the life out of their goldfish, okay?
And when you fail as a parent, be strong enough to hold yourself accountable instead of blaming Harry Potter. You wouldn’t blame a guy with glasses, would ya?
Harry Potter is… FICTION!
Just like Cinderella, The Wizard of Oz, Clifford-the-fucking-giant-red-dog, and C.S. Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia, the Harry Potter books are fiction. So is a lot of the Bible if you think about it. A good chunk is made up of parables, which, get this, is defined as “A simple story illustrating a moral or religious lesson” or “a short moral story (often with animal characters).” Isn’t that interesting.
The guest speaker on the show went out of his way to compare C.S. Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia to Harry Potter. Like any good catholic, he was proud of the fact that Narnia “was really good to scare children to God” (taken word-for-word from the show). The stories were packed full of moral lessons as well as witches, talking animals, and other very pagan-sounding characters. The only major difference between the world of C.S. Lewis and the world of J.K. Rowling has nothing to do with their individual works of fiction: C.S. Lewis was an outspoken Christian author and J.K. Rowling is secular. The host of the show did a nice little song in the key of bullshit while trying to justify his like of C.S. Lewis, but I don’t think he fooled anyone that doesn’t already agree with him. This fact isn’t news to anyone, so why pussyfoot around it?
The show did point out, however, that in C.S. Lewis’ universe the character’s personalities were true to their (Christian) mythology. Witches, warlocks, and wizards are evil. In Rowling’s world a character isn’t typecast as good or evil simply for being what they are. When I think of it that way, C.S. Lewis’ material smacks a bit of prejudice. Maybe I’m stretching the truth just to make a point, but if they can do it why can’t I?
So let me get this straight: if I had magical powers and I used them only to do good, I’m still inherently evil simply by virtue of my having them? Or how about this: if I kick the holy bejesus out of a child-raping priest I’ve still sinned because I’ve wrought harm upon another human being, right? Mysterious ways and all that I suppose…
A kid at the Harry Potter Reading Level Won’t Understand “The Occult,” at least not the good stuff!
Then again, neither do most of the people blasting it. I’ve read everything from Silver Ravenwolf’s canned witchraft for dummies garbage to Ray Buckland’s Complete Guide to Witchcraft, all the way down to every book by Aleister Crowley that I could possibly get my hands on. Sure, you’re kids can probably understand Ravenwolf and her kin, who are quite obviously out to make a buck on the souls of America’s troubled youth. The good news is that you won’t find a single anti-Christian word in her books. I know because I’ve read them. In fact dancing naked in the woods only came up once, and it was optional. Ray Buckland is equally harmless.
Uttering the name Aleister Crowley will make most Christian parents cup the ears of their children. Most, however, really have no idea what the Hell he was about. I read all of his published books and most of his published articles from the 30’s and 40’s, and there was never a mention of demon-worship. Sure he thought he summoned the occasional angel, but bear in mind that the man used a lot of opium in his rituals; and a lot of naked, writhing, well-lubricated people. Now this was a man that knew how to celebrate his faith!
Looking back, I can say in honesty that Aleister Crowley probably isn’t suitable for a child at a Harry Potter reading level. But if you are insane enough to let your kid try and decipher Crowley in the first place, you fall in to the colossal idiot category by default. At twenty-two I can still barely understand a word of Crowley’s often cryptic prose. If you don’t want your kid interested in Crowley, just put the man’s life in perspective: he was a fraud and a drug addict, and reading any biography of his life (including his autobiography, Confessions) will prove that.
Finally, if you are worried about your kid getting hold of Anton Lavey’s Satanic Bible because he just finished the latest Harry Potter novel, I hope you one day try to jump a ravine as wide as that jump in logic. No relation. None. Don’t even try.
Conlusion
I know at this point that I’ve not convinced a single person of Harry Potter’s decency. Chances are if you’re reading my writing you’re open-minded enough to appreciate the books for what they are: good stories. If you’re not well, that’s too bad. Closed minds are infectious, and that fact makes me worry for your children. If you’re open-minded enough to make any, that it. Or maybe that’s open-legged. Either way, I cordially invite you to go fuck yourself. Good night.
