On my way home from work tonight I was scanning the old FM radio for something
other than the same 5 songs I’ve been hearing since 1996. As I passed through Lewisburg
I happened to pick up on WVBU, the Bucknell University student radio station.

How can I put this delicately? If Dave Matthews, The Greatful Dead, and Rob Thomas
decided to form a big gay pile, WVBU would be the stain left on the bedsheets. I actually
welcomed the 30 second dead air pauses between the host’s faux stoner intonations as he mindlessly
rambled about the “adventure” he had on the way to the vending machine. You’re
dollar got eaten? How tragic… next time I see a commercial to sponser a starving Bucknell
student I’ll be sure to think of you!

Where’d you learn to anunciate, anyway? You sound like some bastard child of Christopher Walken
and Jim Breuer, only they’re cool and you’re all a bunch of tools. And stop talking like
you’re stoned. Real stoners are annoying enough; why saturate the world with fake ones?

Ladies and gentlemen, that’s what grinds my gears.