I’ve been wining about this asinine situation for weeks to anyone who’ll listen. Since most everyone I see on a daily basis is sick of hearing about it, I’m hoping that by giving it the full force of a classic Brian rant-session I can finally put my frustrations to rest.

Without delving too deep into the fine details of the situation, let me tell you what’s really grinding my gears tonight. I was recently conned into working with not one, but two Sudanese students in my Composition 2 class. One is my age and upon first impressions seems as though she might have something to contribute… some grasp of the English language perhaps. The other was an old women roughly the age of Jesus who sounds as though she once had a thriving career with Dell Tech Support. Between the two of them they form sentences that would make Yoda slap a bitch silly.

So here we are in a composition class, expected to critically analyze a piece of literature and I’ve got two partners that barely recognize the western alphabet, let alone have any inkling of an idea as to how to put letters and words together in a logical fasion. I’m no Shakespeare but at least I can read Clifford the Big Red Dog and get something out of it.

Unfortunately neither of these women had the forethought to stay the hell out of my way and let me do all of the work (which, consequently I ended up doing anyway). I don’t know if its a cultural trait that they brought with them to America or if they’re both just rude, self-important skanks, but neither would speak until someone else was trying to say something. When I was talking one of them would, without failure, butt in and speak in tongues until she felt satisified that she had made her point, even if it went misunderstood by the rest of the civilized world. This was not a one time occurance, my loyal readers. Literally every time someone else would try to speak they would pull this same arrogant maneuver. It even continued into our presentation. During the group discussion a young man in class was trying to ask a question and Grandma Abu cut him off; our professor actually told her to shut up, making that day one of the greatest days of my life.

I thought when the group project ended these two women would leave me alone, but nope… since I carried them through our presentation, they think I’m the cat’s tits when it comes to English. I try to ignore them, but the old woman would literally tap me on the shoulder for the full 50 minute class period in order to get my attention. So far I haven’t been able to shake ‘em, so if anyone has a can of senior citizen repellant I’m willing to pay top dollar.