It’s Christmas time, okay? You can dance around it any way that you want, but December 25 is Christmas. Christmas is a Christian holiday. You can make a point about how pre-christians celebrated a winter festival, but you see, this is the problem. We’re living 2005 years after the birth of Christ. So we celebrate Christmas.

“But I’m not a Christian and I still want to celebrate!” That’s fine. Just bite the bullet and accept the fact that you are celebrating single-minded consumerism. Get in touch with your inner capitalist! It’s okay, I did. But for the sake of those of us who don’t care what you call it, stop trying to kill Christmas. If you don’t believe in God, just buy your spoiled little Play-Doh munchers an overprices X-Box 360 from eBay and come the fuck along for the ride.

There, I’m done. Have a nice holiday. Oops…