I love Asian cinema: from the disturbing, dark and depressing tales of vengeance directed by Korea’s Chang-Wook Park to China’s semi-historical stories of superhuman strength and national unity. And Japan? Oh Japan, how I love thee! And not just for your cute girls, gadgets, and filthy movies either. I love your culture, your history, your food, the pointlessness as well as the beauty inherent in so much of your ritual and tradition. I love Akira Kurosawa, Sonny Chiba, and Takashi Miike. Sometimes not so much Miike, but he’s got his moments.
Having said that, I’ve got to tell you, Japan: you’re starting to piss me off.
You’ve had an interesting relationship with the U.S. for quite some time. We (the United States that is) have a “carnival mirror” bond with you; you reflect our own traits back at us in a magnified, absurd manner and vise-versa. One only needs to attend an Anime convention sometime to see what I mean, or recall when Japan went through that country music phase and Japanese were wearing cowboy hats. Yeah, it’s something like that.
What does this have to do with Japanese cinema? Absolutely everything!
Remember when Edward Norton’s character in Fight Club describes the soap-making process as “selling women their own fat asses back to them?” I’m reminded of that statement right now. Watch Takashi Shimizu’s Ju-On, then watch his Westernized remake, The Grudge. Then tell me Shimizu isn’t selling our own stupidity back to us at the box office.
As an American I can’t help but feel offended by watching his Americanized rendition. I know the world doesn’t have the best opinion of the United States right now, but come on Japan! I thought we were pals, you and I! Then you turn around and make a movie like The Grudge which basically says “Hey everybody, look at America! They’re too stupid to be scared by a psychological thriller! The only thing that makes their fat asses jump out of their seats is a slightly out-of-reach bag of Doritos or images of death flashing fast enough to cause epileptic seizures!” And apparently Shimizu is right, because The Grudge is getting a sequel.
The Grudge says we’re a nation of idiots too dim to understand the concepts of danger and fear when separated from Tom Savini’s gore effects studio, and American movie watchers are eating this shit up and asking for seconds. I suppose that’s the part that really frustrates me.
Either I’m the only one completely put off by The Grudge, or Takashi Shimizu didn’t get the memo stating what a steaming pile of crap it was. The Grudge could have been a great movie if the language and race of the actors were the only details translated from the original. It had the potential to reach out and gain a new, larger American audience for Japanese cinema; but instead fell to its knees and practically fellated the lowest common denominator of American movie-watchers who would have been equally thrilled had Sarah Michelle Gellar just dumped a bucket of ketchup on her tits and screamed a whole bunch.
My point is this: Japan, don’t Americanize your movies. Don’t sell your souls and your credibility for a few lousy yen. Your movies are great. Your love stories are touching, your action is fast-paced and exciting, your horror is completely unparalleled. And I think if you give us a chance, Americans just might understand the subtlety that makes a movie like Ju-on so great.
Now if you’ll excuse me I need to go binge on Cheetos, waste fossile fuels, and make fart jokes. All at once.
